Cosima believes so as well. [Tav nods efficiently.] Though I believe her words were something about being locked in with a caged wolf.
[A sigh. He’s allowing himself this pity party, even if it’s brief.] I’d’ve said monster so I suppose it’s a step up.
[As for the question,] I do get a warning of sorts. Ten to fifteen minutes. I start to sweat, become nauseous, feels like I’m about to either crawl out of my skin or pass out or both. Hasn’t happened in a while, which makes me nervous.
[ At the mention of goring and eye removal, Bastien pauses his collection of vegetables for a new spoonful of his meal and rests both hands instead, one on the table, one on his knee beneath it. But he doesn't look overly disturbed. ]
Twice. Alright.
[ Whether it was one month or three seems slightly important, given that information. An episode every two weeks and an episode every six weeks are very different things. But he suspects pressing for a more exact timeline won't do much good. ]
[Tav considers both events, before remembering his butler requiring the death of Isobel or someone he loved. He pales when he realizes the connection. His father had been testing him this entire journey, to prepare him for a fight with Orin.
His entire journey led back to Gortash and his role as the Chosen of Bhaal. Tav blows out a breath and shakes his head.]
The second one happened because I didn’t kill an innocent my father wanted me to kill.
[ Bastien nods, processing that. Twice in one to three months, but once as punishment for something specific—so perhaps not something on a regular timer after all. No one has ever brought their gods with them through a rift. ]
I'm sorry. I can't imagine lacking control like that. It sounds awful.
[Tav nods, trying to remember more details about the instructions from Fel. Kill Isobel and earn a reward from his father. But that didn’t make any sense. Isobel was the daughter of Kethric , another of the Chosen Three.
None of it makes sense to him, but looking across the table at Bastien, he tries to not think too much harder about it.]
I don’t know how to break free of his hold. And I feel like a monster, waiting to spring free of his chains.
But he is not here. Or if he is, he is not a god. We have our own.
[ Which Bastien may not fully believe in, given on the day, but the point stands. They've had rifters arrive claiming to be gods themselves, not only the children of them, and at the end of the day they were only rifters with powers, like all the rest. Even if this murder god followed Tav through the rift, he wouldn't be the same. ]
So we will figure something out. Or we won't, [ he admits, ] and you will stay in the Gallows for the rest of your life so we can watch you. But we will not let you hurt anyone. We can't afford to.
[Tav nods, fighting the urge to bury his hands in his hair. He would love to fo out into the wilderness, experience nature to the fullest, but there is no way he can do that safely.
Instead he must be shackled like the monster he is.] Whatever it takes to keep others safe.
[ Bastien cants his head to one side while he chews and swallows, trying to decide whether this question is related to murder or just an attempt to talk about something cheerier.
Either way: ]
I live in the city. I was in the Gallows until a few months ago, because—well, it's free. And my— [ he decides, after a beat, to spare Tav the Orlesian term ] —my companion, he was the head of the Diplomacy Division, and he had to be here. The Division Heads have rooms connected to their offices so they can always be summoned at a moment's notice. But he stepped down, so we have some freedom now.
The Gallows isn't so bad, though. I mean, it's bad—it was a slave prison, you know? It was built to oppress. But it's come a long way. They removed the tormented slave statues from the courtyard, and we've widened the windows and installed the glowlights in the corridors. With some more color and greenery I think it could start to be pleasant.
And, [ important enough to be said twice, ] it's free.
Having the freedom to live wherever you like. With whomever you like.
[He still remembers that dreamwalk with Gale so clearly: the illusion of his room in Waterdeep, the golden folds of a sunset cast over a gently rocking sea.
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[A sigh. He’s allowing himself this pity party, even if it’s brief.] I’d’ve said monster so I suppose it’s a step up.
[As for the question,] I do get a warning of sorts. Ten to fifteen minutes. I start to sweat, become nauseous, feels like I’m about to either crawl out of my skin or pass out or both. Hasn’t happened in a while, which makes me nervous.
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Right. But I mean, say it is already happening. Would someone know from looking at you that they need to get away?
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I… I don’t know. I hope so.
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[ He eats a mouthful of stew, chewing the chewy bits thoughtfully, and swallows. ]
How many times has it happened, that you can remember? In your one to three months.
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The first time I remembered nothing at all. I went to sleep and woke up sweating and covered in blood.
[Picking at one of the cracks on the table,] Alfira. She didn’t deserve… I gored her, pulled out her eyes…
[He shudders, keeping his gaze set on the table.] I didn’t hide from it. The only person who could have done it was me.
The second time I had a warning. The… sweating and alll of that, but I still had to wake Gale up, get him to tie me up.
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Twice. Alright.
[ Whether it was one month or three seems slightly important, given that information. An episode every two weeks and an episode every six weeks are very different things. But he suspects pressing for a more exact timeline won't do much good. ]
And it was random? Out of nowhere?
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His entire journey led back to Gortash and his role as the Chosen of Bhaal. Tav blows out a breath and shakes his head.]
The second one happened because I didn’t kill an innocent my father wanted me to kill.
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I'm sorry. I can't imagine lacking control like that. It sounds awful.
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None of it makes sense to him, but looking across the table at Bastien, he tries to not think too much harder about it.]
I don’t know how to break free of his hold. And I feel like a monster, waiting to spring free of his chains.
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[ again. ]
But he is not here. Or if he is, he is not a god. We have our own.
[ Which Bastien may not fully believe in, given on the day, but the point stands. They've had rifters arrive claiming to be gods themselves, not only the children of them, and at the end of the day they were only rifters with powers, like all the rest. Even if this murder god followed Tav through the rift, he wouldn't be the same. ]
So we will figure something out. Or we won't, [ he admits, ] and you will stay in the Gallows for the rest of your life so we can watch you. But we will not let you hurt anyone. We can't afford to.
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Instead he must be shackled like the monster he is.] Whatever it takes to keep others safe.
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[ Having acquired a safe distance from the appetite-ruining talk about gore and missing eyes, now, he resumes eating his stew. ]
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[As he purposely leaves our the part that he’ll be summarily executed if he hurts anyone, night or day.]
Do you live in the Gallows? Or have you moved away?
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Either way: ]
I live in the city. I was in the Gallows until a few months ago, because—well, it's free. And my— [ he decides, after a beat, to spare Tav the Orlesian term ] —my companion, he was the head of the Diplomacy Division, and he had to be here. The Division Heads have rooms connected to their offices so they can always be summoned at a moment's notice. But he stepped down, so we have some freedom now.
The Gallows isn't so bad, though. I mean, it's bad—it was a slave prison, you know? It was built to oppress. But it's come a long way. They removed the tormented slave statues from the courtyard, and we've widened the windows and installed the glowlights in the corridors. With some more color and greenery I think it could start to be pleasant.
And, [ important enough to be said twice, ] it's free.
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And the beds are so comfortable.
[A soft smile.]
That life sounds like a dream.
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At the next— ]
What, living in Lowtown?
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[He still remembers that dreamwalk with Gale so clearly: the illusion of his room in Waterdeep, the golden folds of a sunset cast over a gently rocking sea.
Gods does he miss Gale.]
But I would rather not hurt anyone than run free.
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I am sorry that you have to choose.
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I can go almost anywhere during the daytime. Should I grab some herbs for you and your companion?
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[ slightly brighter. ]
You might have to label them for me, though. I know elfroot, and I know lavender, and I know blood lotus, and that is about it.
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[Looking not unlike a dog with a bone to have a project.]