[Tav can't help but smirk at Bastien's enthusiasm.]
We were trying to make a deal for her help and I volunteered to pay the price. She had these long fingers and plucked my eye right out of the socket. She said she kissed it and put it back, but it's now got this film over it. Can't see out of it any more.
[Tav shrugs.] I probably should have consulted with my companions first, but at the time I barely knew them. And I suppose this was their first clue that I make terrible decisions.
[ He leans over the table, squinting, to try to get a better look at the eye. He'd assumed it was glass. A handful of people in Riftwatch have glass eyes these days. Filmy and hag-kissed, though— ]
And when you say hag, you mean...?
[ Long eye-plucking fingers goes a bit beyond insult for an old woman who may or may not be a hedge witch. ]
A witch of sorts, who lives in a bog. Long fingers, ready to pluck your eyes out.
[Tav doesn’t notice Bastien leaning in closer on his left side at first. Not until he enters the scope of his right eye. Then, he flicks both over to Bastien.]
It’s a rather permanent reminder to not negotiate with hags.
[The heat of attraction burns through Tav’s chest before be tamps down on it. He’s just lonely and misses Gale; to indulge would be a mistake, especially with the secret he’s about to indulge.]
I don’t quite— [Fuck. This is harder than he thought. What if Bastien immediately runs? They seem to almost be friends and revealing this could ruin this.]
I’m a murderer. Or I am on bad nights. I kill without rhyme or reason.
[His shoulders tighten.]
I am the son of the god of murder where I’m from and was a prolific killer until my memories were erased.
[ If Bastien hadn't been forewarned about the first part—if he hadn't been asked to come be friendly specifically because of the first part—he might have more trouble controlling his face.
But he was forewarned. So when Tav says I'm a murderer, he's already lifting his eyebrows and his chin, preparing to give a little nod and say that he knows. And it's a simple enough thing to keep his pleasant smile unaffected by the second part, since it's already in place. ]
Oh.
[ The smile twitches. Not because it wants to turn into a terrified frown. More because he's about to say something stupid, and he isn't very much trying to hide the fact that he's only teasing before he nods. ]
[Tav is watching Bastien closely for any sign of fear or contempt. He wouldn't blame Bastien for leaving. Tav, then, remembers that Bastien already knows, in a way and the twitch of Bastien's smile draws Tav back into himself.
Like my Uncle Herle.
Tav physically curls into himself and shakes his head. He should've remembered the most important rule from the Captain: discretion. What if he's told another writer?
[ Bastien stays seated. But he leans forward, trying to get a better look at the expression on Tav’s ducked face.
This is the worst he has miscalculated an attempt to put someone at ease about something in quite a while. ]
I’m sorry. I’m not making fun of you. It’s only—
[ He doesn’t really have the cultural frame of reference necessary to explain what this is like: like if little men in UFOs came down from space, over and over, and every now and then one of them mentioned they were a god among their own people. Interesting, sure, but in the scope of everything else, not really revelatory. ]
—it’s alright. I’m not scared. That’s all I meant.
You don't need to lie. [Tav keeps drawing away, pushing in his seat. His brows are furrowed, not in embarrassment, but a heavy sense of uselessness, worthlessness even. He's ready to run, if allowed the chance.]
[ Bastien tilts his head, bewilderment seeping into his expression as he tries to follow the connection between those two things. The connection between his joke and this reaction. ]
[Tav tries to control the shame he'd felt when the Captain had informed him that 'Louis' had been a writer, someone to dramatize the lives of those in the Riftwatch. He'd talked with him like a friend and his secret was out to however many people. The Captain had advised discretion and here Tav had broken that rule again.]
You're one of those writers from before, aren't you.
[Nevermind that he still isn't sleeping well, not even with a lock on his door.]
[ He stirs his stew, considering this accusation for a second before he continues. ]
I'm Bastien. I am in the Diplomacy division. I have worked for Riftwatch for—for as long as it has been here. You could call me a founding member, but I won't insist. That would be pretentious.
The writers were only here for the week. They are gone.
[Tav steps back, but pauses to blink for a moment. So Bastien isn't one of those writers, then. Is he truly so unafraid of him that he's willing to make jokes about his condition? Sure, his companions has been light-hearted about the issue, but only Astarion seemed to have the heart to joke about killing Alfira or the possibility of any of them dying a horrible death.
Sucking in a breath, Tav nods and leans on the back of his chair. I am... deeply sorry. I had a bad experience with them. I thought... [Well, he doesn't think he needs to explain just how bad.]
Bastien. [He wraps his mouth around the name again as he raises his eyes to place the face with the name.] I can only offer my deepest apologies for my reaction.
[Tav nods, trying to force himself to relax again. He's likely blown any potential friendship with Bastien by overreacting to a joke and accusing him to be something he isn't.]
I'm not very good at diplomacy, in case that wasn't obvious. Atrocious, really.
[ The pleasant smile is beginning to creep back onto his face, but only a little at a time—a slow return of confidence now that Tav isn’t actively recoiling and preparing to run away. ]
You are not alone. That is why we have a separate division for it instead of making everyone do their own talking.
That's not a bad idea. Maybe something like—"I have a condition that causes violent episodes, leadership is aware—" they are aware, right? "—and I'm taking precautions, but I wanted everyone to know in case you see me acting strangely—"
[ He cocks his head. ]
Do you act strangely? Aside from the murder. Would someone be able to tell you weren't yourself before the murder started?
Cosima believes so as well. [Tav nods efficiently.] Though I believe her words were something about being locked in with a caged wolf.
[A sigh. He’s allowing himself this pity party, even if it’s brief.] I’d’ve said monster so I suppose it’s a step up.
[As for the question,] I do get a warning of sorts. Ten to fifteen minutes. I start to sweat, become nauseous, feels like I’m about to either crawl out of my skin or pass out or both. Hasn’t happened in a while, which makes me nervous.
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no subject
Date: 2024-02-20 03:00 am (UTC)tw: some eye gore
Date: 2024-02-20 01:56 pm (UTC)We were trying to make a deal for her help and I volunteered to pay the price. She had these long fingers and plucked my eye right out of the socket. She said she kissed it and put it back, but it's now got this film over it. Can't see out of it any more.
[Tav shrugs.] I probably should have consulted with my companions first, but at the time I barely knew them. And I suppose this was their first clue that I make terrible decisions.
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Date: 2024-02-21 05:18 am (UTC)No shit?
[ He leans over the table, squinting, to try to get a better look at the eye. He'd assumed it was glass. A handful of people in Riftwatch have glass eyes these days. Filmy and hag-kissed, though— ]
And when you say hag, you mean...?
[ Long eye-plucking fingers goes a bit beyond insult for an old woman who may or may not be a hedge witch. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-02-21 09:02 am (UTC)[Tav doesn’t notice Bastien leaning in closer on his left side at first. Not until he enters the scope of his right eye. Then, he flicks both over to Bastien.]
It’s a rather permanent reminder to not negotiate with hags.
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Date: 2024-02-22 03:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-22 03:42 am (UTC)He clears his throat and glances down at the table for a moment before turning his gaze back up to Bastien.]
If I met myself in the wild on a bad night, I’d run away just as fast.
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Date: 2024-02-22 09:15 pm (UTC)[ His tone is observational and facetiously wise, like yes, of course, who wouldn't run from that. ]
A common phobia.
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Date: 2024-02-22 09:23 pm (UTC)I don’t quite— [Fuck. This is harder than he thought. What if Bastien immediately runs? They seem to almost be friends and revealing this could ruin this.]
I’m a murderer. Or I am on bad nights. I kill without rhyme or reason.
[His shoulders tighten.]
I am the son of the god of murder where I’m from and was a prolific killer until my memories were erased.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 01:05 am (UTC)But he was forewarned. So when Tav says I'm a murderer, he's already lifting his eyebrows and his chin, preparing to give a little nod and say that he knows. And it's a simple enough thing to keep his pleasant smile unaffected by the second part, since it's already in place. ]
Oh.
[ The smile twitches. Not because it wants to turn into a terrified frown. More because he's about to say something stupid, and he isn't very much trying to hide the fact that he's only teasing before he nods. ]
Just like my uncle Herle.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 01:20 am (UTC)Like my Uncle Herle.
Tav physically curls into himself and shakes his head. He should've remembered the most important rule from the Captain: discretion. What if he's told another writer?
He pushes up from the table, head ducked.]
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 01:53 am (UTC)[ Bastien stays seated. But he leans forward, trying to get a better look at the expression on Tav’s ducked face.
This is the worst he has miscalculated an attempt to put someone at ease about something in quite a while. ]
I’m sorry. I’m not making fun of you. It’s only—
[ He doesn’t really have the cultural frame of reference necessary to explain what this is like: like if little men in UFOs came down from space, over and over, and every now and then one of them mentioned they were a god among their own people. Interesting, sure, but in the scope of everything else, not really revelatory. ]
—it’s alright. I’m not scared. That’s all I meant.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 02:02 am (UTC)I'll be next to gossip about, won't I.
[Still backing away.]
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 03:32 am (UTC)What?
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 03:39 am (UTC)You're one of those writers from before, aren't you.
[Nevermind that he still isn't sleeping well, not even with a lock on his door.]
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 04:05 am (UTC)[ He stirs his stew, considering this accusation for a second before he continues. ]
I'm Bastien. I am in the Diplomacy division. I have worked for Riftwatch for—for as long as it has been here. You could call me a founding member, but I won't insist. That would be pretentious.
The writers were only here for the week. They are gone.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 04:10 am (UTC)Sucking in a breath, Tav nods and leans on the back of his chair. I am... deeply sorry. I had a bad experience with them. I thought... [Well, he doesn't think he needs to explain just how bad.]
Bastien. [He wraps his mouth around the name again as he raises his eyes to place the face with the name.] I can only offer my deepest apologies for my reaction.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 05:36 am (UTC)It's nothing. You're alright. Although,
[ his arm dropping to fold on the table so he can brace against it while leaning forward, voice dropping to a conspiring volume, ]
I would ask who you are talking to before the confessions. Next time. That is my professional advice as a professional diplomacy uh— diplomat.
[ That's the word. ]
But we can call this one a practice run.
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Date: 2024-02-23 01:42 pm (UTC)I'm not very good at diplomacy, in case that wasn't obvious. Atrocious, really.
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Date: 2024-02-23 08:51 pm (UTC)[ The pleasant smile is beginning to creep back onto his face, but only a little at a time—a slow return of confidence now that Tav isn’t actively recoiling and preparing to run away. ]
You are not alone. That is why we have a separate division for it instead of making everyone do their own talking.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-23 09:07 pm (UTC)[A small smile.] I was recommended to talk to someone in diplomacy to find a way to phrase a statement to my fellow Gallows-mates.
[The smile drains away.] So they know the danger they live beside.
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Date: 2024-02-24 01:42 am (UTC)[ He cocks his head. ]
Do you act strangely? Aside from the murder. Would someone be able to tell you weren't yourself before the murder started?
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 01:54 am (UTC)[A sigh. He’s allowing himself this pity party, even if it’s brief.] I’d’ve said monster so I suppose it’s a step up.
[As for the question,] I do get a warning of sorts. Ten to fifteen minutes. I start to sweat, become nauseous, feels like I’m about to either crawl out of my skin or pass out or both. Hasn’t happened in a while, which makes me nervous.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-24 02:24 am (UTC)Right. But I mean, say it is already happening. Would someone know from looking at you that they need to get away?
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Date: 2024-02-24 02:27 am (UTC)I… I don’t know. I hope so.
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Date: 2024-02-24 04:09 am (UTC)[ He eats a mouthful of stew, chewing the chewy bits thoughtfully, and swallows. ]
How many times has it happened, that you can remember? In your one to three months.
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